Over a long career working with young people, I’ve met this situation many times.
Sometimes young people get bored with or don’t like the material they are working on.
I’ve heard many reasons over the years. Sometimes they didn’t get the part they wanted, or their friend leaves, and other times they realise that they have to work harder than they thought, and they’re not prepared to do that.
Whatever the reason, they decide to withdraw. I understand that young people can be fickle and change their minds. I accept that we seem to live in an age where it’s all about the individual and their needs. But this decision has a lot of ramifications. First, there is the effect on the people around them. Suddenly, there is a space where they used to be, and someone else has to step into it. The people left behind might feel a sense of rejection, as if they weren’t important enough for the now missing person. The person stepping away can leave everyone else with a sense of abandonment, as if what they were jointly working on had no value..
Then you have the financial hit. That now missing person was “signed” up to expenses connected with the show, costumes, props and so on. One person gone means the cost has to be adjusted amongst the others if the payment has already been made.
But the biggest hit is on the person. By walking away, they have begun a thought process of pleasing themselves, of half committing and deciding later. Being in a show is about being part of a bigger team, and you move forward together. There may be dips and times when it doesn’t go to plan, but you stick with it and see it through. You find resilience in yourself by being resilient, by persevering, by backing yourself, by not walking away.
I also believe that parenting plays a part. As parents, we are supportive of our children and want them to be happy, but we are also helping them understand how the world works. Sometimes that means putting your foot down and insisting that they see things through.
In the past, we have persuaded some young people in this situation to hang on in there. We’ve found that those who persist are usually grateful. The show becomes more exciting as it nears performance time, and the day itself brings unexpected pleasures. They’ve seen it through, and that counts for something. The end result was worth all the hard work. And most important to me, they’ve learnt something about themself – you should see through what you started. That’s a huge plus on their character.
