Why do children listen to other adults, even when their parents have been saying exactly the same thing?
A little while ago, one of our students auditioned for a solo in our summer show.
He walked into the room full of energy.
He performed with confidence.
He threw himself into every word.
There was just one problem.
The notes weren’t quite landing.
His mum had already been encouraging him to focus more on his singing.
But he was much more interested in the performance.
To be honest, I wasn’t too concerned.
Energy is one of the hardest things to teach.
A child who is willing to stand up and perform already has something really valuable.
The singing could come with practice.
So that’s what we worked on.
A few changes.
A little coaching.
Another attempt.
Then another.
Eventually everything clicked.
And he got the solo.
It reminded me of something I see all the time
Afterwards, I found myself thinking about how often children hear something differently when it comes from another trusted adult.
It doesn’t mean their parents were wrong.
In fact, parents have often been saying exactly the same thing.
But sometimes a different voice carries a different kind of weight.
It's not because parents matter less
If anything, I think it’s the opposite.
Parents are there every day.
They encourage.
Support.
Remind.
Guide.
Children hear those voices constantly.
Sometimes another adult simply offers a fresh perspective.
The message hasn’t changed.
Only the messenger has.
Why children sometimes listen to other adults
One of the hidden benefits of children’s activities isn’t just what they’re learning.
It’s who they’re learning from.
Children spend time with adults who notice things they might not notice in themselves.
A teacher might say,
“I loved how confidently you performed that.”
Or,
“You’ve improved so much since last week.”
Sometimes those small comments stay with a child for years.
Not because they’re extraordinary.
But because they arrive at exactly the right moment.
Children borrow belief before they build it
One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that children don’t always believe in themselves straight away.
Sometimes they borrow someone else’s belief first.
A teacher sees potential.
Keeps encouraging them.
Points out the progress they’re making.
Gradually, the child starts believing it too.
I’ve seen that happen countless times.
It takes a team
I don’t think raising confident children is something parents should feel they have to do alone.
Children benefit from having lots of encouraging adults around them.
Parents.
Grandparents.
Teachers.
Coaches.
Youth leaders.
Each one brings something slightly different.
Together, they help children discover strengths they may never have recognised on their own.
The thing I've learnt
Sometimes all it takes is one trusted adult saying,
“I think you can do this.”
At the right moment…
…for a child to start believing it too.
That’s one of the quiet privileges of my job.
Watching children slowly begin to see in themselves what the adults around them have been seeing all along.
