Whenever I’m driving somewhere I’ve never been before, I nearly always do the same thing.
I look it up on Street View.
I check where I can park.
I work out which building I’m looking for.
By the time I leave the house, I already have a picture in my mind of where I’m going.
Does it really matter?
Probably not.
But it makes me feel calmer.
It struck me recently that children are often exactly the same.
It's usually the unknown that's frightening
Parents sometimes assume children are nervous about the activity itself.
In my experience, that’s not usually what they’re worrying about.
They’re wondering things like:
- What does the building look like?
- Where do I go when I arrive?
- Who will meet me?
- Will anyone talk to me?
- What happens first?
- Will I know what to do?
They’re trying to picture something they’ve never experienced before.
That’s hard for adults.
It’s even harder for children.
Familiarity builds confidence
One of the things I’ve learnt over the years is that children often become much more relaxed once they know what to expect.
Nothing about the activity has changed.
The uncertainty has simply become familiarity.
That’s why we always try to make those first few minutes feel as predictable as possible.
Sometimes it's us who feel nervous
One thing that always makes me smile is that parents are sometimes more anxious than their children.
That’s completely understandable.
You’re trusting someone else with your child.
Of course you want everything to go well.
Children are wonderfully observant though.
They notice our expressions.
Our tone of voice.
The way we talk about something.
The calmer and more matter-of-fact we can be, the more likely they are to think,
“Maybe this isn’t such a big thing after all.”
The goal isn't to remove every nerve
Feeling a little nervous before trying something new is perfectly normal.
I wouldn’t want children to think they should never feel that way.
The goal is simply to replace as many unknowns as possible with familiar things.
Because once children know where they’re going, who they’ll meet and roughly what to expect…
They can spend far less time worrying.
And much more time enjoying themselves.
What should parents look for instead?
So… should you judge after one session?
Sometimes a child walks in and instantly feels at home.
Sometimes they don’t.
Neither tells you very much about how they’ll feel a few weeks later.
Over the years, I’ve learnt that some of the children who looked the most uncertain during their first session have gone on to become some of our most confident performers.
Quiet beginnings don’t always stay quiet.
Sometimes they just need a little more time.
